Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
