i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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