I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
