I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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