Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
