I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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