no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think my moral compass just broke
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
