Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
