my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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