david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize