"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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