Plan B is the new Plan A
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
