Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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