Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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