no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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