At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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