and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
