that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
