New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
