I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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