He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
