At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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