Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
