Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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