You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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