we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
