grandma shit on top of the toilet
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am one with the molecules
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
