I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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