Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize