He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
