How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
