so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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