I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
