no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
