nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
