Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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