Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
