how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
