OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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