you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
