he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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