Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
