Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize