There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you inspire me to be a worse person
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
