can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
