Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
