Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
