i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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