do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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