Please, let me fuck your mom
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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