He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
