Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize