im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
