If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
