I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
