I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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