I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
