Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
