Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
