He uses pillows to masturbate.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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