she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
